Yep. Halfway through the 2013-14 NBA season and this is the conclusion I’ve reached.
Remember the 1999 season? It was brutal. Jordan had just retired and the Bulls were broken up. A very talented and largely unentertaining Spurs team won the NBA championship — and simultaneously launched a 15 year run of an excellent, yet boring brand of basketball that only purists could appreciate — Karl Malone won his second MVP (And really, who likes Karl Malone? How many hardcore Karl Malone fans do you know?), Michael Olowkandi came into the season as the the #1 pick in the NBA Draft and the season was crammed into 50 games due to the longest lockout in the league’s history.
We’ve been hard-pressed to find an NBA season that rivals the 1998-99 campaign, but 2013-14 has risen to (or lowered itself to) the occasion.
Why is this NBA season so wack? Ladies & Gentlemen, The Hot 16:
1) David Stern Is Retiring- The NBA will never be the same once Adam Silver takes over. How are hoop heads going to continue without Stern’s ever-growing sarcasm? Antagonizing the Knick fans at the draft, wildin’ out during interviews, blocking blockbuster trades, doling out crazy fines— this list goes on and on. The NBA will be a much more somber place when Commissioner Stern officially steps down next week after 30 years on the job.
2) Pierre The Pelican- The world’s most frightening mascot will be unceremoniously put out to pasture before All-Star weekend after less than one full season on the job, thus making him the Rob Chudzinski of NBA mascots. Frankly, anything short of decapitation will not sufficiently put an end to this train wreck. Kids haven’t been this disappointed by a new character since Poochie, but if New Orleans needs an example of what a hilarious mascot should look and act like: see Clutch the Bear.
3) The Eastern Conference Is Absolute Trash- To put it in perspective, the Washington Generals would be a six seed in the East right about now. As I’m writing this, the East contains a team 3.5 games below .500, and six teams that are only two games above .500 or worse. The 76ers are third from the bottom in the conference, yet amazingly are only four games out of the eight spot in the playoffs.
It’s a two team race in the Eastern Conference. It’s been that way ever since Derrick Rose injured his knee…again. If the Heat and Pacers are playing, it’s riveting television. But as of now, it looks like the entire conference is one big waste of time until we reach the East Finals.
4) The Knicks & Nets Have Underachieved– That’s putting it nicely (colossal disaster would’ve also been acceptable phrasing here). The league’s two biggest markets, the league’s two highest payrolls and a combined record of 35-49. And that’s with the Nets having won nine of their last ten and the Knicks winning seven of thirteen. I think both of these teams still make the playoffs, but if they don’t, all fans of New York basketball should be able to stop & frisk James Dolan and Mikhail Prokhorov. If they get robbed? So be it. An eye for an eye, right?
4) (Consequently) The Miami Heat Are On Cruise Control- Remember last year’s 27-game win streak? Seems like a lifetime ago. Lately, the Heat only bring their A game once a week and it seems like Dwyane Wade plays once every other week. Watching the best team in the league coast to the conference finals is not fun.
5) The 2013 Rookie Class: As Bad as Advertised- The occasional bright spot from Victor Oladipo and MCW aside, the rookie class billed as the weakest in over a decade has not disappointed, which is just about the only way they haven’t disappointed. The ringleader/poster child for this has been Cavs forward Anthony Bennett, who to this point has struggled to have any semblance of a professional basketball player in his extremely limited minutes.
6) The 2014 Draft Class Hype- The hype machine really stepped in it this time. This draft class was all anyone could talk about just a few short months ago. But we’re halfway through the college basketball season and it’s clear there is no LeBron James in this class. There isn’t even a Carmelo Anthony right now. Andrew Wiggins and Jabari Parker’s performances have been mercurial of late (both have had two single-digit scoring games this month), and they each may have been surpassed by Joel Embiid on draft boards.
This class is still very talented, but this ain’t 1984. Not yet.
7) Sleeved Jerseys- Honestly, what did we do to deserve this? We all know the jersey game is a racket, but c’mon. They look like woman’s jerseys from the 30 years ago!
No disrespect, ladies.
8) All-Star Game Jerseys-
You see???
9) Nickname Jerseys- Again, it’s a racket. And as dope as it was to see Ray Allen play an actual NBA game with “Shuttlesworth” on the back, it was equally as lame to see Udonis Haslem run around with “UD” on his back. That’s not a nickname, those are just initials.
10) The West Is Too Competitive- Getting back to the competitive balance thing, the East being so unbelievably shitty means the West has too many good teams. A good team (or two) is going to get squeezed out of the playoffs, which has some people talking realignment again. The NBA doesn’t need realignment, it just needs parcel out some competent owners and GMs on the east coast.
What’s worse is you have really enjoyable teams like the Phoenix Suns that are basically wasting everyone’s time, because you know they’ll get bounced in the first round of the playoffs.
11) The Lakers Are Garbage- At 16-28, the NBA’s glamor franchise has the league’s seventh worst record. A common misnomer in sports you’ll hear from ignorant fans and bias talking heads is, “The league is better when Team X is winning”. This is erroneous about 90% of the time, but it’s absolutely true when it comes to the Lakers. It just is.
People love to root for and against the Lakers. But when they suck and it’s not a secret, what’s the point?
12) The Ugly Sneaker Trend- I don’t give a damn what anybody says, this is really getting absurd.
13) Disappointing Teams- In addition to the Knicks and Nets (and a much lesser extent, the Lakers), there are several teams that have been a huge letdown though the halfway point. The Pistons, Cavaliers, Timberwolves, Grizzlies and Wizards have all failed to meet preseason expectations.
One of the few bright spots this NBA season.
14) INJURIES!!!– Last season was bad enough. But this year, we’ve seen Russell Westbrook, Derrick Rose and Kobe Bryant all go down with critical injuries yet again. Rajon Rondo is just now coming back, but Deron Williams, Wade, Al Horford, Marc Gasol, Paul Pierce and Chris Paul have all missed significant time. Talented role players like Eric Bledsoe, Kawhi Leonard, Danny Green, J.J. Redick have all sat out for large stretches of the season as well. This isn’t the NFL. Injuries happen, but basketball isn’t supposed to be this way.
15) No Test For The Miami Heat- Add up the injuries, the disappointing teams and the weak conference and what do you get? No real test for the Miami Heat. Before the season, HHSR picked the Bulls to win the East, not as much because they were better, but the belief was the grind of winning three straight titles would catch up to Miami.
But there’s been no grind here, and there won’t be. The Heat will continue to jog on into the East Finals without any real test. They should be matched up against an extremely game Indiana team, but for Miami to only have to go through two good teams on their way to another championship seems to cheapen their dynasty on some level. Miami has been the NBA’s best team the last two seasons, but they’ve also benefited GREATLY from serious injuries to other contenders. Tragically, 2013-14 has been more of the same.
16) Only Five Teams Can Win The NBA Championship- Miami, Indiana, Oklahoma City, San Antonio and Golden State. That’s it. Portland is very good, but we all know Johnny-Come-Latelys never win it all in the NBA. And the Clippers, and Rockets are still a player away. The Warriors are the dark horse that’s gaining momentum, but it’s hard to see an exclusively jump-shooting team make it that far.
Can the NBA season be salvaged by flurry or trades at the deadline (unlikely) or an epic dunk contest (even more unlikely)? Kevin Durant’s recent tear, Stephen Curry and Paul George’s rise to super-stardom and Melo’s blackout performance versus the Bobcats are a few things fans can cling onto. But we had better see something between now and April, or the NBA playoffs will morph into a highly televised exhibition.
After all, Inside The NBA can only do so much.